Roller Coaster

Wow!! It's been two years since I've posted on this blog! Facebook has truly taken over this space! Well...sadly and happily not much has changed in my life. Still have the same job, same car, same friends, etc. I did move!! :)

Well I had a great experience that could only be related on an outlet like a blog, so I decided to update and might do more in the future! A few weeks ago I went to Six Flags with some friends. We had an awesome time!! I mean a REALLLY awesome time!!! :) It was my BEST experience yet to that amusement park! For real!! :) We all rode each ride together...we did the whole day together.

As the day was ending we wanted to get in the last few hours of fun!! :) Some of those with us wanted to get on the Raging Bull. I did NOT want to get on the Raging Bull! Years ago, after riding when it first opened, I purposed never to ride it again!! Now, I am not really a scary type person, I like fun and adventure. I LOVE the Giant Drop ride (this is the one that drops your from 200 feet in the air at a free fall). I want to go sky diving one day soon. I am usually up for any excitement. But...not the Raging Bull. Now my excuse was that it didn't have a harness, it just had a lap restraint, and for me, THAT was NOT good enough!! Not good enough for that first steep drop (202 feet)...no sirre bob!! LOL!!

Well, in favor of the group, being the team player I am, I, yes I, gave into the peer pressure and agreed to ride the ride. I made my decision and when we got to the ride, the line was REALLY long, so the group decided to go on another ride. Ha, I was relieved!! I agreed and it worked out we won't ride it...fine with me! After we finished the other ride, it was decided that we stick with the wait and ride the horrendous RAGING BULL!! Well, I had given my word and I was going to keep it. All through the line, I was gearing up my mind for the impending horror. I was in the line, I had given my word, I was going to ride this ride. I focused on the end of the ride, the ending corral, I mean, it was only 2-3 minutes. No one had ever died on the ride yet...I mean, really! I kept my mind on the "afterward" the promise of food, the drive home, the work I had to complete when I got home, the next day, etc. I was quiet most of the line wait...ha!!

Well, our turn came. I was to ride with two others in our group, Dana and Nick. I wanted to get it over with so we ended up in a different coaster train than our remaining three friends. Dana was almost as scary as me about this ride, but somehow, she had gained some courage and agreed with Nick to ride the ride with *[horrific gasp]* their eyes open and their hands up!! I calmly reminded them that I was just gonna make it through the ride & not holding on with my eyes open were NOT an option. Ha!

So we started our assent up the coaster. I felt us getting higher and higher, I knew the drop would be soon, but I didn't want to see it coming. I knew I was going to have to face it but didn't want my horrific anticipation building. I listened as Dana made sounds of concern the closer we got to the top of our assent. I knew the drop was near. It came, we dropped. Somewhere in the middle of the drop I let myself feel the excitement of it all (with my eyes still closed and still holding on for dear life, mind you). I let myself feel the fall, the feeling like we were letting gravity take its toll, never to be recovered. As we were falling, something reminded me, the fall would soon be over; it would not be to my demise. And...do you know what?!! We did recover!! The ride continued with its twists and turns, ups and downs, sideways and drops. Somewhere along the way, I opened my eyes and let go, just for a little bit. :) I saw the next drop approaching and again held on for dear life and closed my eyes, for good measure. By the end of the ride I had my eyes open and my hands in the air. I was sooo inspired by that ride...uhhh yeah, it was from the adrenalin rush at first...but I got my part!! I was SOO GLAD I let me friends talk me into getting on that ride! LOL! I got a spiritual connotation from it...let me share.

I feel like that's the way it is with God. After a "failed" experience or from fear to even try in the first place, WE rule out things God is asking us to do. We feel that WE are not adequate enough to fulfill His will. (Just like I didn't think the safety constraints were sufficient) We are afraid of the failure, afraid to try again, afraid to take the step of faith. But all God wants us to do is listen to Him and take that first step of faith. Just agree to do it (submit my will), just get in the line (take that step of faith). There always is a period of preparation, during that time, thoughts of doubt will come, How will it turn out? Will I fail again? Will I succeed? Will I survive? Will it be worth it? Just look to the other side of obedience, blessings manifold!! You've committed to God, He will bring you through.

Eventually we will get to the end part of fulfilling God's purpose. Remember, God does not lie, He is tried and proven. We WILL come out alive (spiritually), His promises never fail! No one has ever lost obeying God! There will be ups (major good times, times of happiness, job and gladness), there will be downs (times of confusion, pain and suffering) - but not to the point of death (spiritually), we will recover!! I can choose to fully enjoy the ride or I can count down the seconds until it's over, either way, I'll come out alive. God's got me! Am I too afraid to enjoy the ride? How about the curves, twists and turns? Do I focus so much on the end that I don't enjoy the NOW? The route has been tried and proven. God won't let me lose. The proper safety constraints are in place (The Word, Holy Spirit, Godly counsel), and I have no need to fear.

  The sad thing is that I would've MISSED such a GREAT experience had I decided NOT to get on the ride. I might've lived the next 10-20-30 years of my life reminding myself of the one time I got on the ride and didn't like it (failed). That one bad experience.  Now, I've gotten over that fear, now I want to get on the ride again and maybe even the first row, with my eyes open and my hands up!! LOL!

Lord, please help me not to miss out one the plans you have for me because of past failures, past fears or past negative associations with things, people or situations. Lord, help me to obey You with an un-harnessed abandonment - knowing that, if You are leading me to do it, You've got my best interest at heart. God's Got IT!! - Excerpts taken from my personal journal - Aug 6, 2012

Jer. 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. - KJV

I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. - The Message

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. - NLT

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. - Amplified

I am living the best years of my life

God, I believe, blessed me with that thought on Sunday. I am truly living THE BEST years of my life. Is everything just perfect, is everything EXACTLY the way I want it, is my life where I thought it would be? NO. But I know I am living the best years of my life, right now. I am learning to live in and love the present; life is each day that we live, it is today, not ten years ago or five years in the future. Life is what is happening to me now, not what I am hoping for in the next five or ten years. Life is definitely what I make it, if I don’t like it, I need to make some changes. They might not happen over night, and there are some things we cannot control, but if, at the least, I can always change my attitude toward my life, it will be better. That is one main lesson I have learned THIS year. I can be “livin’ the best of life” or I can live in regret, every day of my life, for the rest of my life.

One of the best changes I made with my life was to give it to the One who has it all in control, the One who loves me (so much) and is concerned about where I am headed. The One who sacrificed HIS LIFE, so I could REALLY live and enjoy mine! (John 10:10) A change into Jesus Christ, that is making a change for the best. I’ve learned a lot with Him and we have been through some rough times, but it has been all good and I love Him a whole lot more than I did ten years ago.

So on my 28th birthday, I know I am in the best years of my life despite:
o Bad decisions I have made in my past
o Situations I wish I could do over
o My current circumstances that I wished I could’ve changed yesterday
o Some painful mistakes and choices
o The dreams and goals for my life that have yet to be fulfilled
o Opportunities lost
o Experiences gained

I have some great things going on in my life:
o Immediate (my mom, dad and sis) and extended family that love me and want what is best for me (even though we may not spend time with each other, as often as we would like)
o A really awesome group of friends that inspire and encourage me to do well and please God (love ya’ll!)
o A church community and fellowship (they are doing some great things and I love to be around them!)
o A job (it pays my bills (needs) – and some of my wants…PTL) my boss and the people are great!! (For my b-day somebody (I think my boss – or hers – still don’t know who) got cupcakes for me and everyone signed a card…they don’t normally do that…I am so thankful!!)
o A reliable car (ahh…the freedom)
o Strength for today (to do what I need to do)
o Hope for tomorrow (I’ve got some exciting plans for my life -- LW!)
o Clothes and food (oh yeah…LOL!!)
o A desire to please God in every aspect of my life and power to live free from sin, everyday (only by the grace of God…)
o Opportunity to be around young people (teens) who challenge and help me fulfill God’s plan for my life (you ALL are just GREAT, I love you all - thanks!)

LW, I hope to continue to keep this mindset, and five years from now, will still be able to say – “I’m living the best years of my life.”

In the midst of my storm...

I have been through the storm for the last 13 months like I have never been in before but what has kept me is my love for my Savior, my Lord, my Jesus. The song that has just been staying my heart has been "I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH TO FAIL HIM NOW" One of the verses says

The years have brought me closer and my love for Christ has grown, each step has brought me nearer to my eternal home, you see I'm too close to heaven to turn back now, His grace will be sufficient I've got to make it I vow. (CHORUS) I love Him too much, to fail him now, too much to break my vow, for I promised the Lord that I would make that last mile, and now I love Him too much to fail Him now.

In the midst of my storm God has been so faithful to prove His love for me. There are times, very unusually times, I will just feel the overwhelming love of my savior. It is awesome...today a brother was sharing the scripture in Romans 8:35-37 where Paul talks about what shall separate us from the love of Christ...

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

the last verse says...in ALL these things we ARE more than CONQUERORS through HIM THAT LOVED US...I just felt the love of God...we are only conquerors through Him that LOVES US!! Because HE LOVES ME, I AM MORE than a CONQUEROR!!

Over the summer I was expressing to some sisters how God has just been showing to me, proving to me, just how much He loves me. There is this song titled..."That's Why I Love Him Like I Do" some of the words say...

God saved me from myself when no one else was around, and it was only by His grace, His mercy, His favor cause I know I don't deserve all the love He shows, how He lets me know, He's never going to leave my side...that's why I love Him like I do...somebody told me we overcome by our testimony, but I remember how doubt and fear used to paralyze me, but God's hand brought me through a test and He brought out the very best, and now I'll never forget to tell the whole world what You mean to me...that is why I love Him like I do...

I like this other song..."I Don't Mind" it says...(this is God talking to me)

What can I do, to make you smile again, how can I prove that I've got your best interest at hand, my love for you is more than anything you'll ever know, so if you need me to show, you say it, cause I don't mind...I'll do anything but let you down, can I get a little credit, if you need me to show, say it, I don't mind...question is, where is your faith, haven't I proven myself before, and if the window is closed won't I open the door, cause my love for you is more than anything you'll ever know, so if you need me to show, say it, cause I don't mind.

this song makes me think of Jer. 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Another song has been "I'm in Love with Jesus"...growing up in the COG I would hear saints saying this...I would be skeptical...but going through the midst of my storm of Jesus I am really understanding what it really means to be In Love with Jesus. I love Him so much!! When I feel the overwhelming love of God just flood my heart I just start to cry, so happy to have this type of personal experience with God. He has brought me through many of hard battles, times when I didn't even think I would be able to hold on, times when my faith was weak, times when He just showed Himself strong...I just am so thankful, he showed mercy on me almost 11 years of truly being saved. I am so thankful that even before that, he showed so much mercy on me, He has just proved his love time and time again. Down through the 11 years of my salvation, I have been through some very hard situation, situations where I, of my own self, would have turned back on God, but it has been HIS love that has kept me, in the midst of the storms...it has been HIS faithfulness, HIS kindness, HIS mercy, HIS love, His power that has kept me, that has carried me. I am so undeserving of the love He has shown me, but He has shown it anyhow.

Every time I think about you.
Every time I read about you.
Every time I hear your name I start to smile.
Every time the sun starts shinning.
Every time the wind starts blowing.
Every time I feel your anointing I start to smile.
Let me take the time to say I love you.
Let me take the time to say I care.

I love you Lord
I'm in love with Jesus and He's in Love with me!

I am just sitting here in wonder, in awe of my Jesus, my Lord, my life!

My manner of life from my youth - Acts 26:4
The Lord perserveth all them that love Him - Ps. 145:20
We love Him, because He first loved us - I John 4:19

Life Lived

When I was younger I used to wonder what people really meant when they said they wished they knew what they know now when they were younger. I understand now.

Recently I have been thinking, I wish I knew what I know now 10 years ago. The last 10 years would have turned out so different. But that is not how life is orchestrated. What one has experience in, knowledge of, etc. at 27, one just doesn't have it at 17. My dad used to always tell me (in my teens) that you can't have experience and youth at the same time. So true. I know that, relatively, I am still young, but I have been feeling my age more (that years are just slipping by) in the past 2-3 years.

Well...we learn from our mistakes, experiences, decisions, etc. Despite it all God has been helping me understand (even when I don't always remember it in the midst of the battle) that Rom. 8:28 still is true. One thing I rest in when I think of all the different decisions I would have made (could I live the last 10-15 years of my life over again) is that God is still in control. Salvation provides that rest in God, that no matter what happens, God is still in control and He will work it for my good. I also thank God that the even in the bad decisions that I have made, they haven't been life altering...!! They have been things that I was able to learn from. Thank God!

By the way, I was reading a some of the verses in Ps. 145 today...God is awesome!!

The Love of God...

It helps us look beyond people's faults and see their needs...



(Like that song, "He (Jesus) looked beyond all my faults and saw my needs")

On Faith

I have learned that once you keep the faith, even when it seems all hope is lost, after you've come through the night, your faith will be even stronger than before, even if no circumstances have changed.

I've gotten through the night - PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Keep the FAITH!! - Heb 11:6, Heb 10:35-39, Matt 9:29

Sunday...

This morning serivce was a blessing! Thank God for the COG (as it has already been mentioned on another sister's blog)!! I know I got my part out of both of the sevices today...wow! I want to make it to heaven no matter what the cost! Those who are able to get a prayer through...pray for me...I wanna make it to heaven!

James 5:16
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Mediocrity

I was looked up the song "I Believe I Can Fly" on You Tube. There (of course) were many versions. This one was really encouraging...the thought I came away with was...


MEDIOCRITY IS NOT AN OPTION!! Think about it. For MJ to get where he got being mediocre was not an option. This thought has helped me in my life, spiritually, at work, etc. With God's help I will NOT settle for mediocre in any area of my life.

Strengthen your heart---

I was reading Ecclesiates 7...verse 3 stood out to me.

Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.

Why would sorrow be better than laughter? The verse states that it makes the heart better. I was reading comentary on it and it stated that "hard" (sorrowful) times strength us. I then thought of a verse in Psalms.

Psalms 27:14

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

These really encouraged my heart...though I am in a trial of my faith (sorrowful time) right now, God is just strengthening my heart!! People who GO THROUGH their trials are made stronger by it.

the will of God...

I know it is not true, but sometimes it seems like the will of God is so opposite of what we want. It seems that if I want something, God's will is probably opposite because...well, that's just the way it sometimes seems to work.

Well, I was out to breakfast with my Dad the other day (because some how in the midst of our busy schedules we find time for things like that) and he said something I've never thought of.

God works in us both the WILL and to DO of HIS good pleasure.

Now, I know, I've read that scripture before (many times) and have even meditated on it...Philippians 2:13 - For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. But I don't think it ever struck like it did that day.

There are times when GOD puts in us a will to do something, and it is HIS perfect will for it to be done. He puts the will to do it and helps us to actually do it...now isn't that a blessing!

SPOILED?

“I don’t think I’m spoiled!…hmmm, but I do remember that time when I was 10…”

Being the youngest (of only two of us), that has been a comment of mine. I was thinking about this in this thought. God does not raise any spiritually spoiled saints. We usually don’t get what WE want when WE want it. And he expects us to have a good attitude about it in the process. According to the dictionary here is what spoiled means:

Spoiled – (WordNEt – online dictionary)
adjective
1. having the character or disposition harmed by pampering or over solicitous attention; "a spoiled child"

I like this definition better:

Spoiled – (Webster’s New World Dictionary)
To let a person have his own way so much that he demands or expects it


I started thinking, Lord, I don’t want to act like a spoiled brat with you. So God doesn’t move in the ways I’ve thought he would, he doesn’t answer prayer specifically like I thought he would. It seems like everything I want (all my desires), he does the opposite. God allows/ordains certain things to happen in a saint’s life, it is according to His will and to this we must submit.

But how am I submitting to it? How do I react when these things happen in my life? Do I “act out” in any way, hurt because God didn’t DO what I thought HE should have DONE, WHEN I thought HE should have done it? Does my belief in Him remain the same? Am I still willing to trust Him the same. Do I pray, read, study and fast (consecrate) like I should (as I was during or before God seemed to start to work). Do I do the known will of God with as much fervor and zeal as before?

Or am I “acting out”. I won’t stay as consecrated as I was because it just doesn’t seem to do any good. Or I won’t stay as committed and faithful as I was to the work of the Lord, because it doesn’t seem to be paying off.

God is still asking the question, “Lovest thou me more than these my child, what will you answer be?” (for real?) “I love thee more, I love thee more than ALL of these, I love thee more, I love thee more, more than these.” OR is it “I love my free time, my ways, my actions, I love my opinion, my lukewarmness, my attitudes more than you, I love them more, I love them more…more than You.”

I guess in all this I am saying that God is going to keep us in a test until HE sees all blemishes are out of us. All “acting out” is gone and we are able and willing to TRULY submit to his will. Say “Amen” and keep on going, believing, though not fully understanding WHY, but wholly trusting in His perfect plan for my life.